Eco Friendly Craft Fair Essentials

Craft Market season is fast approaching, which means it’s time for me to dig out my trusty checklist and start planning stock!

As well as ensuring I have everything I need for my stall such as a float, packaging, bags, stationery, business cards etc I always plan what I’m going to take with me for the day.

The biggest thing I see when working markets is the amount of rubbish left over, not only by visitors but by stallholders themselves. Plastic water bottles, non-recyclable coffee cups, and food wrappings to name but a few! Obviously we know the impact plastic has on our environment, but needless to say it doesn’t look great either to visit a market and see rubbish everywhere.

So I thought I’d share these essentials that I pack with me for every market I work to help reduce my environmental impact and save a few pounds in the process!

1 / Tuppaware Snacks

I love snacks. And I love packing myself my own little trail mix of nuts, seeds and raisins. Genuinely keeps me going for longer, and I like that I can choose which nuts I want to put into it compared to shop bought versions (goodbye walnuts!). Should I feel extra naughty some chocolate drops or yoghurt covered raisins sneak in too … but best of all are these cute little food storage clip lid pots that are perfect for all my snacking needs! They came in a pack with other different sized pots, so you can use the others for your lunch, or granola and yoghurt, or apple slices….did I mention I like snacks? And should you wish to keep your plastic footprint at an even lower rate, find your nearest zero waste shop and have your snacks filled into your tuppaware without any packaging - I love to visit Shop Zero Nottingham, they have the most delicious chocolate covered almonds!

2 / Bamboo Cutlery Roll

This has been a life saver for many a reason! For the homemade pasta I’ve brought with me, or the off the cuff cake purchase I’ve made that I want to slice up and share, I’ve used every piece in this set, bar the chopsticks (it’s my mission to use these next just to say I did!). I love that it also comes with a bamboo straw, because as awesome as it is that some places offer paper straws they disintegrate in a matter of minutes, and no one wants soggy paper in their lemonade. When I get home I then wash the cutlery in the sink and the roll goes straight in the washing machine (I can guarantee there will be left over food trapped in it…). Not a piece of plastic cutlery used, and it looks cute too! This particular set was purchased through Amazon but there’s nothing to stop you taking your own cutlery from home wrapped in a tea towel.

3 / Backpack

This backpack has been my staple wardrobe piece since I bought it 3 years ago and it’s travelled far and wide with me! I love that it zips open all the way round so I can pack as much as I can in, with pockets on the sides for water bottles.

4 / Water Bottle

If there is one swap you ever do, it’s to ditch the single use plastic water bottles and invest in a decent refillable water bottle. I’ve had many different ones over the years, from glass (bad idea) to BPA plastic (always go for BPA free!) but I have to say this metal one by Smash Enterprises has been my best ever purchase. A great seal, with a carry handle on the lid, my water stays so nice and cold for a long time! I couldn’t find this exact one online as I purchased it years ago from good old Homesense, but genuinely you can’t go in any homeware shop without seeing an array of amazing water bottles in all different colours, sizes, and styles. Most cafes and restaurants are happy to refill your bottle for you, but the Refill App is perfect when you’re in a city you don’t know and you need to find somewhere refill friendly.

5 / Bamboo Lunch Box

I love this bamboo lunch box from John Lewis and Partners - It’s the perfect size for sandwiches, homemade pesto pasta, rice cakes, you name it. Although it does have a silicone band to keep the lid on (so it isn’t the most eco friendly product) it’s definitely better than buying lunch from a supermarket packaged in 100% plastic that can’t be recycled. And let’s face it, you save so much more money bringing your own lunch. (N.B this particular lunch box is no longer for sale, but we also use these Elephant Box stainless steel boxes and they are AMAZING.)

6 / Collapsible Travel Cup

We have some gorgeous travel cups that we use regularly (big shout out to Keep Cup!) but this collapsible version by Stojo is perfect for working markets. As it can collapse, it doesn’t take up as much space in your bag as normal bamboo or glass travel cups, which is a lifesaver when you have so much to take with you! You simply pull it open, slip the heat protection sleeve round it, and you’re good to go. Oh, and they come in loads of lovely colours too!

What ways do you reduce your environmental footprint when you’re travelling or working away from home? I’d love to hear your ideas and tips so feel free to drop them in the comments section below!

7 Tips for Freelancing with a Toddler in Tow

Photography by Daniel Hughes

Imagine you have a colleague at work who relentlessly needs your attention, messes up your keyboard (which makes your laptop freeze), is beyond filthy and has no personal boundaries? Working from home with a toddler is pretty much like this. In a shared office environment this person would probably have to visit HR but when your office is a corner, or at best a room, in your own home, you’ve got to somehow manage these tiny whirlwinds of energy!

It’s only after 18 months of tears, frustration and stamping feet (and I’m not on about my own toddler…) that I’ve been able to find ways to get through a day where emails have been answered and projects get completed. Here are my top 7 tips should you be on the verge of shipping your own tiny human off…

ONE / Work smarter, not faster

Since having Ophelia and having to really re-work my daily routine to accommodate her and work (which has shown me how actually un-adaptable I can actually be!) I genuinely can’t believe how little I got done before I had her. There’s something about having a 2-3 hour window everyday that gives you some serious laser focus; there’s no time to idle away on Instagram or claim you’re ‘researching’ when you’re head first in a Pinterest rabbit hole.

Nope, you’ve got to be pretty stern with yourself and get that list written out with the top priorities for those few hours. I’m on about important emails (deleting old ones can be done in ad breaks in the evening in front of the TV), making those phone calls that give you the hebe jeebies, cracking on with illustration projects.

The other stuff, the stuff I like to call the ‘chuff’ of being freelance can be done after it’s the little persons bedtime. Invoices need filing? Inbox need clearing? Social media posts need scheduling? Yep, those are perfect ‘sofa jobs’ which don’t require excellent daylight (if you’re an artist) or a desk.

You’ll be amazed with what you can achieve when you limit yourself to just a few hours!

TWO / Work around their schedule

This kind of ties in with the previous tip, but get to know your little person’s routine and make it work for you. If they have a regular time of day when you know they’ll get sleepy, then plan to get your work done in that nap time window.

I know I can’t get any work done when Ophelia is awake (save for a few orders but that is all she can tolerate before boredom hits!) so I always make sure that the time we spend together is just us time. And should it just be the activities we do exert her to the point of tiredness around her nap time then that’s a good coincidence too…

Don’t get me wrong - she’s not a robot and 50% of the time I’m winging it because the day just hasn’t planned out like I thought it would. That’s having children in a nutshell, but I just make sure I catch up when lights are out, which leads me on to…

THREE / You may have to become a night owl

I’ve always labelled myself a lark, and thought that I could only work in the morning and was a useless lump of lethargy by the afternoon. Well, let me tell you that’s just a story I used to tell myself. I’ve had no choice but to become a bit of a night owl since having Ophelia because there are days when there is no opportunity for me to sit down and focus on my work.

Sure I can post to Instagram or answer an email here and there whilst she’s awake, but the stuff that requires my full attention I can save till the evening now when she’s tucked up in bed resting.

FOUR / Get those boundaries in place

I’m very lucky to have a whole room as my studio in our house. A small corner of it does have some toys and a teepee for Ophelia to play in when I’m in there sorting orders but for the rest of the time it’s an out of bounds room. Aside from the fact that her little hands seem to manage to destroy everything in sight in the space of seconds, I want her to understand that that space is my work room and that the things that are in there (my laptop, stock, clients work) is very important and can’t be touched.

The joy of working for yourself is that you don’t have to adhere to strict hours, or dress code or office location, but sometimes there needs to be some boundaries so others can respect that what you do isn’t just a hobby (and I’m not just talking about kids here) and is in fact an important job.

FIVE / Be open and honest with your clients

There’s going to be a day when your child won’t nap, and they won’t just entertain themselves with a film for a few hours, and basically it will feel like they are out to destroy any plans you had for your day. Honesty is the best policy here.

I’ve had a few scheduled client calls which I’ve booked to be during Ophelia’s nap time and of course she’s decided to stay awake to mix all the play dough together (very important job). She’s at an age now where she does have a little understanding that when I’m on the phone, she needs to do her best ‘whispering voice’, however her mind loses focus quickly and so I may at best get 5 minutes with my client uninterrupted.

It’s best to just manage everyone’s expectations and be honest with your client. A very polite disclaimer at the beginning of your call or meeting to explain your situation, and to apologise in advance for any interruption will go a long way to helping ease any discomfort when your darling child starts to pipe up. 90% of the time clients are parents too, and they understand the trials and tribulations that come with it.

Still, it does make you die a little when it happens as you worry that it makes you look totally unprofessional. In that case, make sure you can book any extremely high profile client calls on a day when maybe your little human is out of the house and is screaming down someone else’s.

SIX / Make use of your Village

They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I honestly believe that. We’re very fortunate to live close to our parents, all of whom are more than happy to watch Ophelia for me. Whether it’s for a whole day, or even just a morning, I am privileged to have that time carved out to just get work done.

And besides, it brings them joy too.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is nothing weak about it. You are a human, and you can’t do it all (as much as the media may tell you otherwise). Some work commitments and projects just need an empty house, and you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone.

If you don’t have the luxury of family nearby, why not ask a friend who has kids as well? Maybe one of the NCT mums you met when you were pregnant? Either way it makes a great playdate for your children, and great way for you to get your to do list completed. You can always return the favour to your pal another day and in turn give them a chance to a child free day!

SEVEN / Remember the amazing advantage you have…

In the end, it’s important to remember that not everyone gets to spend as much time with their kids when they’re young. Working from home with kids is hard, and it can be frustrating, but remember that you get to see more of the milestones than those parents who work outside the home.

You have this golden opportunity to be there for all the firsts, to hear them string new sentences together, and to enjoy things like going to the park/soft play/cafes/other fun stuff that you can’t do in an office. These young formative years can go so quickly, and to be a big presence in them is very important and musn’t be overlooked.

I hope these tips help in your journey into the world of freelancing and parenting simultaneously. If you have your own life saving tips I would love to hear them! Feel free to drop them in the comments below and hopefully it will help any other freelance parents out there!

What Ophelia has taught me // #1

Illustration by Deborah Panesar ©

When I became a mother I knew that I would learn life lessons but I never anticipated how much they would filter in to other aspects of my life.

I liked to keep my ‘mother’ label mostly separate from my ‘freelance’ label, because I was almost defiant that I didn’t want to be defined as only a mother. I also didn’t want to share photos of Ophelia because she was such a special part of my life, that I selfishly treasured for my own, so it didn’t feel right to put her up on the internet everyday.

My PND also had me scared to be too vulnerable. I was afraid my followers would think I had given up on illustration, or that everyday I was going to be posting more and more content that they hadn’t signed up for.

Really though, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I still don’t greatly like sharing too many photos of Ophelia online (she can tell me when she’s older if she’s happy for me to share) but I have done a full 180 on how I feel about being too vulnerable/sharing personal content.

I cannot deny that this little human has changed me. She has shown me so much that I had forgotten in becoming an adult, and made me self aware as a friend, wife, daughter and sister. So I wanted to pay homage to that in a new blog series, showcasing some of the good, bad and ugly stuff that she has taught me in her short but wise life (so far).

#1 Rushing is futile

If you have a small child, it goes without saying that you’re guaranteed to be late for a lot of stuff. With so much to remember (especially when they’re really small, it’s like packing for a mini break) as well as making sure they have enough layers/options for weather/things to go to sleep with. You can guarantee they’ll fill their nappy right before you get out the door.

I spent a lot of time getting crazy frustrated with Ophelia; Why is she doing this to me? Why can’t she sit still? Why does she now decide to get upset about the shoes I’ve put on her feet?

Thing is she isn’t doing anything to me. Toddlers and babies have no concept of time so it is literally impossible for her to know that she’s making me late.

Really, I’m making myself crazy frustrated; I’m frustrated at myself for not giving myself enough time and I’m frustrated that I’m going to be turning up to wherever I’m going to as a palpitating, hot sweaty mess.

Yes, rushing is futile. The more I rush, the more stressed I get. The more stressed I get the more I forget. The more I forget the more cross I get at myself, and the more cross I get the sweatier I get (you see a sweaty pattern here?!).

So i’ve decided to stop rushing, in more aspects than one.

I’ve stopped rushing emails. Rushed emails have tons of mistakes and I know half the time they don’t make sense and I have probably not even attached the work I needed to send to the client.

I’ve stopped rushing work. If I have to put in a few more hours, then so be it. I’m not going to rush the quality of my work just because I now need to balance being a full time mum as well.

I’ve stopped rushing conversations. Nothing says ‘I’m not interested in what you have to say’ than when you have one eye on your phone for that email notification and one ear on your husband who is just trying to have a conversation with you after a long day.

I’ve stopped rushing my to-do list. This one’s a biggie. I used to think it was how much I got done rather than how good I got those things done. Quality over quantity > Quantity over quality. I’m now a little more accepting if I just get 1 thing done off my to-do list, so long as I’ve done it to the best of my ability and I feel confident that it’s finished.

Most importantly, I’ve stopped rushing Ophelia. She’s at an incredible age where the world is magic and everything that we see as mundane is a new discovery. I try my very best to give her the time to explore those little things, even if it’s a pine cone, a bus stop or to stand and wave to the man in the van. It really isn’t always possible, all the time, because sometimes I really do need to be somewhere! But it’s a goal I can strive for.

When I feel the need to rush well up in me, and I’m watching the hands on the clock move but my daughter isn’t, then I just try and take a very deep breath and think fuck it.

I’ll get there at some point, but right now is pretty good.

30 Things I've Learnt before 30

Today I turn the big 3-0!

When I was 18 I used to imagine how much I would dread this day. However, when I was 18 I hadn't yet met Avnish and my view of the world was small and unknown. I saw myself by 30 living alone with a herd of cats and I was actually OK with that. I had resigned myself to my imagined fate because I didn't believe I had much going for me and didn't believe that others would see something special in me (don't worry, this blog post will cheer up I promise!) 

Now I am here and about to cross over into my 30's I've been looking back and reflecting on what an amazing 3 decades it's been and also what utter tosh I used to convince myself of. 

So here is a list I've compiled of 30 things I've learnt before 30 - perhaps you're about to make the leap into this next epoch too (big up 80's kids) and maybe you're dreading it. Or perhaps you're in your twenties (big up 90's kids) and you're thinking your life is about to end at the 30 mark. 

I'm here to tell you it's just beginning. 

So, shall we begin? 

1. You don't need to have got everything sussed out by 30. Where has this milestone come from? Most famous people didn't reach their potential or goals until in their thirties or even forties, or fifties (Vera Wang, Samuel L. Jackson and even Charles Darwin are amongst these). So much of your 20's is just trying to figure out how to adult and make sense of the world. 
2. People really don't care what you're doing/wearing/listening to
3. You too will start to not care about what you're doing/wearing/listening to when you realise point 2
4. Job success does not necessarily = life success
5. Having a highly paid job will NOT bring you happiness long term
6. Mediate whenever you can
7. Do one thing a year that completely terrifies you. Helps keep stuff in perspective. 
8. You will lose some friends along the way, but that doesn't make you a bad person. It's no ones fault, it's just life flowing.
9. No one teaches you how to do a tax return and they really bloody should at school
10. By the time you reach your late twenties it's less about needing to fit in and more about how much you can stand out
11. Switch off your phone for a whole day. It will help you live longer
12. Be brave. Bullies don't disappear as an adult and they come in many disguises. 
13. Regularly check in with yourself to make sure that what you're doing (work/relationship/actions) aligns with your core values
14. You will survive stuff you never thought you could
15. Move and keep moving
16. Walk as much as you can and learn the map and history of where you live. We just coexist and don't build communities or tether ourselves to our past. Let's reconnect. 
17. When you buy from a local store or independent, you're truly making a difference to the world.
18. People project their feelings onto you; try not to absorb too much
19. Forget life plans because they don't work. Plus, life is way more fun when you chuck the road map and see where the road takes you
20. It's ok to not be doing what your friends are or what your family think you should be. They're advising you on their life experience (as I am) and it doesn't necessarily apply to you.
21. A degree isn't everything. No one, as of yet, has asked me what I got and all I have is a huge debt to pay. 
22. Be kind to one another. Fundamental life rule that really isn't hard to do. 
23. Go and call that relative/friend you haven't spoken to in a while. I bet they miss you, and just the fact you've contacted them will brighten their day and make you feel the good feels.
24. Live as slow as you can so you can take it in before it passes you by
25. Children make the world a brighter place, but whatever you pour your heart into it will do the same thing. So don't beat yourself up if you don't want/can't have children (and I'm talking to the ladies who have their biological clock reminded to them by 'helpful' friends and family.)
26. Know that at any point, you can change course and start a new adventure
27. Get sleep, because if you decide to start a family you're going to miss it
28. No seriously, get sleep because it's so damn good for you
29. Get off Facebook. No one likes having their data stolen and life will go on. 
30. And if all else fails, just listen to this by Baz Luhrmann.

Where I am today is a million miles away from what my 18 year old self had depressingly predicted, and I am eternally grateful with the lot that I have been given. Who knows what the next 30 years will hold - I mean, I could become a grandmother in that time! - but I'm looking forward to learning, growing and just sharing the adventure with my loved ones.

No one in this world has it all sussed out, and we're all just muddling along together. 

So here's an imaginary blog post toast to me (HBD) and to you guys! 

P.S To celebrate I'm offering 30% off in my Etsy and Shop until Sunday 17th June. Just use the code DIRTY30 at the checkout! 

The Art of Living (and Blogging) Slowly

It's taken me a while to dust off the old blog and begin getting into sharing posts with you lovely lot again. I've had so much I've wanted to share, but as always, not so much of time going around these days. 

Since I last blogged there's been some pretty big changes around here. There is now a baby, a 10 month old baby, careering about like a little drunk person whilst she's learning to walk. And although I've been back at work full time for the past 3 months I've only just got a handle on things. 

The biggest takeaway from it all is just to keep things s l o w. 

Having Ophelia has made me understand now that I literally cannot be everything to everyone, and I simply cannot do everything all at once. So I'm choosing to live slow this year, and that is the only resolution I'm making. 

The funny thing is now that I'm choosing to go slow, I'm finding that things are actually getting done. They might not be completed in the lightning quick fashion I usually want them done, but they're getting done. Not perfected, but done. 

And I'm actually illustrating more for pleasure, rather than getting bogged down with the admin and the emails and the accounts and the algorithms and the Pinterest trawl. When you suddenly lose all the time you had before, you really come to appreciate and treasure the rare time that you do have when you're not being something to someone. 

So if you're finding yourself starting this year frantically trying to accomplish all your goals by February 1st, take a breath, be rebellious and just say fuck it. 

If you're trying to sprint to the finish line, you'll miss the view on the way. 

2016 Life Lessons

I actually can't believe I'm sat here, writing to you with only a few more days left of 2016. This year has, by far, gone quicker than any year I can remember and yet at the same time it was the most arduous and gruelling year I've experienced to date. 

It's not hard to get sentimental, retrospective and thoughtful about the past 12 months when faced with the idea of a fresh 12 months ahead. We all love a do-over, a chance to redeem ourselves for not spending the year in the way we 'should have done' with this sparkly eyed dream that we'll somehow crack this thing called 'life' and we'll look back on 2017 with dewy eyed pride that it had been a great year and we are truly greats amongst mere men. 

That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself, but yet we still do it every January 1st with long resolution lists, credit cards armed ready to sign up to gym memberships or juicers aligned perfectly in your kitchen ready for all those green blends you're going to make before heading to work, walking the dog and hitting said gym. And all before 6am, of course! 

As a freelancer it's easy to apply these borderless, unattainable and what I like to call 'quicksand' goals to your own business. 

'Make more sales!'
'Have more stockists!'
'Be known online!'
'Get more likes!'
'Be as successful as [insert favourite creative you lust over]'  

These goals, that have no measure, that are open and that allow you to keep shifting the goal posts can only pull you down in a quicksand way. Before you know you're drowning in your own unattainable goals you'll be fighting against your own judgement, limits and health till you're swallowed whole by them. 

Trust me when I tell you, that I can vouch for this first hand. 2016's biggest gift to me, alongside other nuggets of wisdom, was this realisation which I feel now is more of a tool than a sad realisation. 

After reading Lola Hoad's inspirational blog post 'What I've Learned in 2016' I felt inspired to share some of the things that I've learnt from the past year which I've decided to use as my 'resolutions', or more fittingly my 'personal reminders'. 

You can withstand more than you think you are capable of

When I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in June I wondered how I would survive it. I didn't believe that I would - I felt un-fixable, broken and extremely lost in a world that seemed to have it all figured out.

Only 4 weeks later I then found out I was pregnant, and after having only started my first of 20 sessions of CBT I didn't know how I would cope with living a life that was filled with this sadness and darkness alongside a new life that was new, frightening and completely unknown. 

When a week later we thought we had lost our baby I didn't then know how I would cope in a world without the new life that was new, frightening and completely unknown. And what it would all mean if we did lose the baby - that perhaps my depression and anxiety had been the cause and I had effectively taken that life away. 

And after a year of poor sales, a slowed down economy and some daring financial investments that were seeing no return I didn't know how I would cope with all this internal stuff, body morphing internal stuff, as well as an uncertain financial future that was swirling all around me on a daily basis. 

Yet, I did, I have, and I still am surviving. I survived all those things I didn't think I could. I stood in the eye of the storm and weathered it, despite the lack of faith I had in not only myself but my fate. 

Everyone has limits, and that's ok

Everyone has a point where they decide they can't go any further - a limit that tells them that from this point onwards it will be only trouble. For a long time I didn't know this limit, I believed that somehow I was above that and that I almost didn't deserve to think I could say no when the time was right. So I would keep working or burning myself out until I became unwell physically or mentally. 

But remember all the stuff I mentioned before? All that stuff has forced me to learn to know when I'm reaching my limit before I end up on the road to burnout. Most importantly, I'm learning that it's ok. It's ok to know that you can't do everything, whether that's for others, for your loved ones, or for clients and customers. We are just humans.

Phase out the negative energies in your life

I've come to see that I allowed a lot of negative energies into my life, and these were just limited to people but also to objects and habits. And the trouble with negative energies is that if you aren't strong enough in your resolve for what you want in life, in your values, then you'll keep letting these negativities keep driving your life. 

So I've been on a negative energy diet in business and my personal life. 

All the practises that weren't bringing me joy, that were wasting my time or were fruitless for business, they've been ditched. The biggest thing I've ditched since Boxing Day is my Facebook. It truly has sucked the very life out of me, so I've waved bye-bye to countless analytic checking, planning posts to be published at the optimal time, trying to concoct varied content and the days filled with frustration as to why I haven't gained more followers in 12 months than I have after having the damn thing for 4 years.

Facebook can honestly do one, I'm ready to see the next big thing. 

I've also started to cut ties with certain people in my life who did nothing but bring me down - People who aren't bad human beings, but who I don't have a connection with anymore. People who don't seem to have the same values that align with mine. People who make me feel guilty, who attack me, who have nothing positive to say. People who would rather check up on my life via Instagram rather than just send me a text to ask how I'm doing.

I'm sending those people all the positive vibes for their life - I wish them well, I wish them happiness, but from now on I need to cultivate an environment for myself and my daughter which fills us with joy.

It's nice to take a backseat sometimes  

I've always been a 'do-er'. I always want to organise things, help people, save them from making mistakes or from suffering heartache. I want to be able to control life in a way that's not meddling but more with good intentions. 

2016 has made me learn to sit in the backseat for once and to stop trying to always take the steering wheel. 

Amazingly, wonderful things happen when you stop trying to control every aspect of your life; Plans still get made, deadlines still get reached, and funnily enough the whole world doesn't fall apart. In fact, you can be surprised by what people can pull out of the bag, or even what offers are made when you don't work on a knee jerk reaction. 

Taking just 30 seconds to catch a breath and think, 'Do I need to react to this now, or plan to be proactive now?' can make all the difference to stop you from falling into the controlling trap. I've found that it's allowed people to surprise me, and for business to run smoother rather than the sensation of frantically trying to plug all the leaking holes. 

Truly embrace just being you

You can try to be like someone else, whether that's another business person or someone who follow online, but ultimately no one does you better than ... you. There is no set recipe for fame, popularity or even financial success, and emulating someone else through the extremely filtered lens of social media does not guarantee that you'll end up with the same rewards that they have reaped. 

Ultimately, you can only be you. The life of trying to live like someone else will only drain you out, or bore you before it comes to that. Seriously, life is really just too short to try and trace it off the blueprint of someone else's. 

What you may not also realise is that someone may be tracing your blueprint too. You might read this and think I'm in no position to make that assumption, but as the old adage goes 'there's always someone who has less than you.' That doesn't have to mean financial though - They may have less followers, less blog readers, less sales, less access to opportunities or even less confidence. 

There is plenty we have that we can sometimes take for granted or just not appreciate the value of, which to others are what drives them or fills them with jealousy. 

So just say 'fuck it' and be yourself - all the things you love, hate, wear, eat, listen to, read or do. Enjoy them, shout about them, be proud of them. Ultimately people will buy more into your brand and identity when it's genuine, and if you lose followers along the way then they just weren't your tribe. 

Nothing comes to you

This feels like such an obvious one, yet I fall into the trap time and time again. You can't sit in your studio and expect your inbox to be full of enquiries when you haven't put the graft and time into putting yourself out there into the world. 

It's easy to think that this is what happens with other freelancers or illustrators, but let me tell you that you're not seeing the hours put in every week to chase every lead, to email any kind of potential client, or create promotional material to post to agencies. Magic happens when you put some spark into it. So go create sparks wherever you can - create a list of dream clients and start working on making connections, or go to networking events to get to know the local businesses in your area. 

Stop sitting and waiting for life to come to you, but seek it out. Rejection is a very strong possibility, but is a better outcome that waiting around for something to happen, and the frustration that comes with it. 

I encourage this practise more so when you actually have work, so that when that client has finished you have leads to carry you through the quieter times. Stay proactive. 

Above all else... 

Remain grateful for everything you have received over the year. In finances, opportunities, friendships, experiences and objects. So Thank You, each and every one of you who have purchased from my shop, read my blog, double tapped my Instagram photos or hired me for freelance work. You keep the dream alive and allow me to keep living a life I've always dreamed of. 

However, or whatever, you plan for 2017 I hope it's one filled with adventure, daring, bravery, happiness and authenticity.

Wishing you a Happy New Year,

Create More Than You Consume

When I turned to the last month of my Get To Work book, wondering what the inspiring graphic would be, I found my initial reaction to it quite surprising. 

It read: 'Create more than you consume' 

And it touched something in my brain, a memory or feeling, that I've been coming back to a lot recently. This past year - aside from my obvious ruminating which comes with my anxiety - I haven't been able to stop mulling over why I just don't seem to feel like I'm creating enough.

Everyone around me was making and creating and innovating and dreaming at an exponential rate (it seems) and all I could keep doing was going back through all those well worn paths of thought and habits; sitting on Pinterest and mooning over illustrators who I admired, taking in how they created their images, their use of colour, of contrast, or sitting on Instagram and just letting myself be overwhelmingly impressed and jealous, in equal amounts, at other designer makers who just seemed to be creating. 

But this little take away card, found in the back of my diary, felt like the answer to all my problems: Create more than you consume. 

Too much time had I spent steeping myself in the world of others, trying to understand their work, to be inspired by it, to be immersed in it, and not enough time was given to creating my own work. Time given to sit, be creative, let ideas flow, and to play. 

My CBT sessions have highlighted to me my absolute need to control and perfect, and how sometimes that stops me from doing anything because I'm just too scared to start and for it to be wrong. But by taking that path of least resistance, the one where you sit and observe from the sidelines, you don't allow yourself to be apart of the world and will forever just be a creative wallflower. 

Switch off your phone for an hour, put on your favourite music, and just let yourself be in a moment to create and to not be judgemental of it. Mentally turn off the mental chatter as you turn off your notifications and watch something magical happen. 

Perhaps in this one small change there can be inspiration to be free in other aspects of our lives. Whether that is in our relationships, our beliefs or with some old and worn habits, we can feel more accomplished when we stay mindful in the present activity and just be with it. 

Practising Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving to all my wonderful US clients / readers / customers!

It may not be a holiday that we celebrate here in the UK, but from my years of watching US sitcoms and shows I've always loved the tradition (and forgive me if this is not a tradition!) of sitting around the table and stating what you're thankful for.

It's so important to take a moment, even if it is just once a year, to show gratitude for what you have rather than constantly thinking of what you don't have. 

It's quite easy to forget all those wonderful little things that make up the the small joys in our day to day lives, especially when the world around us can be chaotic, un-predictable and (especially this year) disappointing. Whether it's personal life or work life, your laser beam focus on what you haven't done, or what you haven't achieved or are lacking can easily over look the other great things that are clearly around you and which, to others, may be what they feel are lacking. 

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

— Charles Dickens

So here is my compact (but not complete) list of things I'm really grateful for - the small and the big stuff...

• My home studio - you are warm, you are cosy, and I don't have to pay separate rent for you 

• The Nottingham creative community - in particular the wonderful Nottingham Etsy Team where I feel like I've met my tribe and have a reason to leave the house.
• Spotify ... you have enabled my golden oldie and tacky music habit which has got me through many a deadline. 
• My husband - Truly, no other human I'd want to spend this short time on earth with. We created a lovely little phenomena who I can't wait to meet in March - I hope she has your dark hair and un-fazed personality, but not your beard. 
• Our daughter - you kicking me in the bladder right now tells me that you're alive and nothing makes me happier. Keep kicking little one. 
• My family - extended and blood - who have been my cheerleader and my shoulder to cry on in what's been a year of lows and highs.
• Chocolate malted milks. Whoever thought to whack chocolate on malted milks needs a statue, or a national day. Or both. 
• The bin man who actually puts my bins back for me - you don't have to do this, you are a lovely human. 
• My neighbour who is always signing for my parcels - you saved me so much time trying to find a car park space at the depot. 
• CBT - Thank you for helping me to get my life back. I owe you, and the NHS, so much. 
• Yes, the NHS. Always the NHS. 

So what are you grateful for today? Feel free to share with me in the comments below, or write it down and keep it safe for a day when things feel like they're really not going your way. 

P.S I'm really enjoying this roll I seem to be on with writing posts! Do you want to read more or less? Drop me a line, or tweet @deborahpanesar to me know.

Be Brave, Not Perfect

Art print by Elise Blaha Cripe for the Get to Work Book. 

Ever had a month where work feels like it just is a relentless battle of one chaotic failure after another? That was the entirety of my March. Frankly, when April 1st hit I was glad to be out of that month believing I had some curse hanging over me.

It's pretty easy to displace the blame to other people, and even easier to look inwards and start blaming yourself too when things go wrong.

You didn't land that dream client because your works shit and therefore you are a pretty shit person. You had that fight with a close personal other because it's a reflection of how terrible you are. You haven't been paid in over a month because you're hopeless and you'll always be hopeless. See the picture? 

I recently watched an amazing TED talk from Reshmi Saujani titled 'Teach girls bravery, not perfection' and I started to become aware of something so blindingly obvious. 

How many of my failures have been a result of not being brave enough? Sorry, scrap that. How many times have I NOT attempted to fail because I haven't been brave enough? 

I've always been a massive perfectionist, to the point of reducing myself to tears if I believed I had not followed some homework instructions properly or not getting a piece of work right. It's always been in built into my personality, and because of that I don't usually take a lot of risks because I already perceive myself to have already failed even before I've tried. I have created these little safeguards which I use to protect myself from any possibility of being hurt. 

I think of what it is to be brave and just do and I see that the root of my current problems - creative block, lack of new work, loss of interest and belief in my illustrating capabilities - is because I seem to have forgotten what it is to try and be brave. To be open minded to a world of possibilities without having so many safeguards in place to keep me from getting hurt emotionally. 

In Reshma's talk she talks about the difference in how boys and girls are raised, how this has a profound effect on girls to seek perfectionism more so than boys, and when I look at my husband I can see where she is coming from. There is so much in him that I admire; courage, bravery, and the ability to just start things. I don't ever see him sitting in front of a blank sketchbook crippled with fear of doing rough drawings wrong, and if there's an opportunity for a new brief I don't see him losing his mind trying to figure out every minute detail.

Perhaps it's a gender thing, and perhaps boys are raised differently. That could be only a partial piece of a much greater puzzle. There are plenty of brave women (if anyone's been watching the new series of The Island you'll know who I'm on about) and there are plenty of perfectionist men. Perhaps the key lies in cultivating bravery in people, to teach everyone the value of not being afraid to fail. 

Failure is such a terrible word and I genuinely wish we could eradicate it from all vocabulary. Nothing good ever came from telling someone they were a failure, or from someone telling themselves that they are a failure. Nor does anything good come from people trying to avoid failure. 

Think back to school days and how disappointed you would feel to see the words FAIL on a test. This negative way of grading, of putting people into organised categories, shrinks the world and makes most people believe that they are limited. We know that there are people who break those limitations in the world, who never let those failures hold them back and who go on to do incredible things, but somehow that message might not get through to those few of us who just don't believe that we could ever be that brave. 

It's probably a storyline that will take a while to adapt and shift, but even if it's just one small thing every day that pushes your perfectionist limits to the brink, then that is a positive change. 

For me, I'm working on shedding my perfectionist ways (but not too much, I'm not a maniac) and trying to open my mind to the possibility that it's never too late to be brave and make a change. I've been making small changes to my work routine to try and cultivate more daring and free illustration and so far I'm already feeling a little less stifled. We can only hope that by May I will be an illustration anarchist...

Until then, I hope you all find bravery in the small day to day! 

Deborah x

Favourite wellbeing apps at the moment...

Happy 1st March!

It's a new month, which means the chance to start some new habits for the month! Because I've been assigning a new resolution to achieve per month, I have decided to make March all about getting enough H20. Why is that important? Well, aside from being the purest life giver on this earth (seriously, I'm not joking) it's been proven to reduce headaches, improve attention, reduce hunger and even prevent wrinkles - all of that plus it's free. It truly is one of our best resources on the planet, so I thought I would try and stick to the 2 litre a day rule.

Like all things I throw myself into, I wanted an app to help me. If you hadn't realised yet I absolutely love helpful apps - I've got my Strava for all my running, my On Trees app to show all my bank accounts in one place & budget plus my coveted Dominos app for when hunger strikes. So seeing as I have so many I thought I would share my top 3 that I have been using, starting with my latest free app download...

Waterlogged - FREE

I've been using the app for a few days now and I absolutely LOVE it. It's the simplest way of logging your water intake and has the loveliest user interface. It has set containers with their volume measurements that you can use, or add your own containers.

As you log your water intake the bottle fills, and what's more neat is that the water in the bottle on the screen tilts when you tilt your phone. Awesome! The app also syncs to your Apple Health (if you have iPhone) so you can see the full data on there with anything else you've recorded. It's a free app so it's nothing to try!

Nothing fills me with more nerdy pleasure than seeing the confetti on the screen when I reach my 2 litre goal for the day, despite the fact that for the past few days I have needed to wee SO much. 

It's also been quite a revealing app - The first day of recording what I drank was abysmal. I realised that I didn't drink enough, especially when I'm working on lots of commissions because I tend to just drink tea like it's going out of fashion, so it's really given me a good kick in the rear to try and stay hydrated more. 

Come back to me at the end of March to see if my hydration plan has made me more attentive, less wrinkly and headache free!

Headpsace - FREE for 10 days, payment plans thereafter

After going on a meditation retreat last year I was determined to keep the practise going when I got home - but I kept finding reasons and excuses to not do it. Partly I really struggled because I liked the guided meditations that we had on retreat, and at home I couldn't really re-do that. So when I discovered Headspace I was beyond excited to get back on my meditation game. 

The app is so painfully lovely I get distracted sometimes by the amazing animations and graphics that have been designed, and Andy's voice, well, that is so soothing I could seriously just listen to him on repeat all day long. I think this app is awesome for anyone who has never tried meditation as it's free 10 day foundation course really covers the basics such as how to sit properly, how to count the breaths and even what to do should unruly thoughts pop on by.

The animations that come with it help illustrate Andy's points and make the practise plain and simple, not some mystical and difficult hobby. 

After the 10 day free trial you can then choose to pay for the remainder meditations which I have gone for. You can pay monthly at £9.99, or yearly which works out cheaper monthly however is a bigger outlay. Discount codes do come by often so make sure you sign up to the mailing list if you've downloaded the app! I purchased the yearly bundle with 3 months free thanks to those handy discount codes. 

Knowing that the app is counting how many days in a row I'm meditating, and even the total number of hours, are great motivators for me to make sure I'm doing it for at least 10 minutes a day. After the foundation course they have heaps of meditation courses available to help with everything from anxiety to sleep, pregnancy to creative block, plus quick ones for situations where you may be having a meltdown and need a quick fix.

Hear and Now App - FREE

This smart little app is also a new addition, and it will blow you away. 

The simply premise is that it's an app to help you be mindful, to help you breathe through stress. I haven't delved too deeply into it yet but what I've used so far has been really insightful. 

The app uses your camera and flash on the back of your phone to measure your heartbeat. As you rest your finger cover the camera and flash, the app with register your heart rate and then ask you to follow the inhale/exhale commands on screen. It will read your heart rate before and after the exercise to see how well it's slowed your heart rate down. I was lying in bed when I was doing this, not stressed in the slightest, but a few minutes doing this and my heart rate had significantly slowed down. It even measured how complex my heartbeats were and how well my heart rate could be controlled. Mind. Blown.

This little app is on my speed dial app list for any time that I might suddenly be feeling very stressed, and coupled with Headspace I should be a totally horizontal woman by the end of 2016. 

If you're a health app freak like me, I'd love to hear about it! Do you have any apps that help you stay on track with your physical and mental health? Drop them in the comments below!

Deborah x

New Year(s) Resolutions

How many of you made resolutions on December 31st, eagerly awaiting the midnight strike with lots of hopeful wishes for how you were going to be the most awesome-productive-human-being-that-can-achieve-it-all-no-sweat? And how many of you are still working on those resolutions, 40 days into 2016? 

Resolutions are hard, and they're also a sure fire cruel way to beat you down and make you feel pretty useless. That's how most of my 2015 felt - another chip of disappointment after another chip of disappointment after setting myself limitless goals such as 'get new clients' and 'be found online.' I didn't want my 2016 to end up the same way my 2015 felt (which is a resolution in itself, right?!) so I found some inspiration through the guru of simplicity Leo Babauta. His book, The Power of Less goes into the secret behind his success in losing weight, quitting smoking, becoming a marathon runner, quitting his job and creating a life and business that makes him happy. The secret, I'm sure you're dying to know, lies on the simple premise of applying a habit for 30 days. 

If you're feeling cheated, let me explain - It's been proven by scientists that it takes 30 days in order for us human beings to form a new habit that we are likely to stick to. Using this parameter, Leo Babauta applied himself to a new habit, 30 days at a time. So how does this come into resolution making? Well, on December 31st 2015 I decided I was going follow in Leo's footsteps and create 12 resolutions for the year, doing one resolution for a month until it sticks.

I'd love to show off and say that I've planned my entire year ahead, but I just haven't. I'm kind of winging it as I go along! All I knew was that January was dedicated to meditating for 10 minutes every day, and February would be to trying to kick the white stuff (sugar, not Coke). So far my plan as worked brilliantly - of course there have been days when I missed a meditation and when somehow I've ended up with 2 teaspoons of sugar in my tea when visiting a friends, rather than none, but that's just life.

The kinder I am to myself about working through these small challenges, the more likely I am able to feel like I have achieved something. The 30 day rule is a great kindness that you can offer yourself because it only asks of you one thing; just to commit to 30 days. Once those 30 days are up, it's up to you to decide whether you're going to keep the new resolution or not, and if you're not bothered by it and it's just taking up a shelf in your mental library, then by all means, mentally throw it away and start new. 

The aim of this exercise to help liberate you from the constraints that making resolutions can do to you; getting it right first time, never allowing yourself to slip up, never being realistic with yourself. That last one was a game changer for me. Remember my previous years goal of 'get new clients' and 'be found online' - these are undefinable goals (be found online? Where do you begin!) and although they're not unattainable there's no clear form or way to achieve them.

Instead of simply shooting for moon, spend some time planning the stages to climb there. 

In our Nottingham Etsy team we had a great discussion post about this very topic of goal setting, which I highly recommend you read. I also suggest taking a look at Elise Blaha Cripe's Get To Work book which is a physical accompaniment to help you goal set on a micro level. I use mine for everything, not just business, and it helps me stay on track with my own resolutions and goals. 

I'm looking forward to seeing how my year turns out, and all the new habits I may have learned along the way. If you fancy joining me, feel free to drop me a line and let me know how you're finding your monthly challenges. Alternatively, let me know if you've been setting resolutions and how you've been finding it so far! 

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop - Confucius 

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As always, have a happy week

Deborah x